Hello,
Like i said, i will write to you from time to time, so here i am, sending my first letter to you. Have got so used to sharing with you everything, that I know only you will understand what i am saying.
As you know, we have so many guests back to back, and this time it was a friend’s son, who really needed to get away from a recent tragical trauma in his life.
My heart broke each time i heard his protests, towards God, and life, and what he could have ever done to deserve all that had happened to him. Though a guy in his late thirties, he still broke down, because i could sense his desperate need for a hand to pull him out of that darkness. He felt alone, imprisoned in his grief, with no one to share it with, because the ones he loved, faced the same tragedy, and found their own ways to deal with it, and were too close, for him to create more pain for them.
But, there were beautiful blessings, and loving people around him, people who missed him, who hurt for him, with him, people like his younger siblings, who could not understand why he was so sad and distant all the time. Things that he was unable to see, falling into that dark pit of grief. But in his depression was a cry for help, and to me that was the first step towards healing, this unspoken need, this protest, words never spoken, not even to the self, coming out as hurting tears, deep sadness, angry questions, and complete alienation.
Once he could release that knot in his heart, one that he needed to let go, but did not know how, he not only found the words for his pain, he found the words for his healing too, in all the faces of his loved ones, people who were around him, who needed him equally, if not more, and in his own face, his beating heart, his responsibility, towards himself and all the people beside him, his family.
I really do not know what i did or said to help him, because grief has no explanation, but i told him, neither grief nor happiness can stay in our hearts or lives permanently. Our Life is our own journey, and God is the strength and love we have within us, as we face life, not someone who is testing us, or punishing us. We as human-beings connect to each other, but each journey is individual, and like God, each one of us is there to help each other, despite and beyond personal pain.
Though at such a time these thoughts feel like just words, but they do help like chinks of light streaming through the darkness, enough to see the door, that needs to be opened, but only from inside. We have all the stories of gurus and masters, stories that we have both shared so many times, but life becomes the truest lesson that unfolds in front of our eyes, and does not let us look away.
So I told him about another friend who had a daughter who was brain dead, due to wrong medication, at birth. The toll it took on the Parents, each hurting separately, of screaming their pain alone and in corners the others would not see or hear, how it was affecting their relationships, how the elders openly wished the baby had not survived because they could foresee the pain their children had in store for them. The child lived till her teens, a living hell for everyone, the mother would wake all through the night checking if she was breathing, straightening her head, wiping her drool, the father desperately looked for ways to help her heal, their other children suffered the most because their life was put on hold, who lost their childhood, for the daughter who needed 24x7 care and attention, but for no fault of their own. Tragedy is never just an event, we allow it to continue finding ways to destroy all our lives, blind to all the blessings, all the love, all the joy, all the gifts of life around us. When the child passed away, each had shades of guilt within them, each had forgotten how to be there for each other, so used to withdrawing within themselves, trying to struggle and deal with their emotions all alone, too late to shower love on the other two, who grew up too fast and learnt to take care of themselves, taking a drastic toll on the marriage, on the children, on their relationships, on their future. My friend still asks me why, why her, and i told her what i completely believe, that she needed a home, a respite, a mother, who would love and care for her, during this compulsory healing, and she chose her, and she must be blessing, laughing, loving her from wherever she was, grateful for that time, that healing, that love and respite.
No one is here permanently, even we cannot guarantee the duration of our presence, but the people who love us, we can be there for them, entirely and completely, that’s a promise we can and should make. God and Life are not to blame, because only we have the strength and responsibility towards our lives, each one of us has the ability to rise up, to smile, to let go or hold on, towards sadness or joy. Its a choice only we can make. Like i told this boy, there are a lot of people who can support you, but only you can take the decisions and responsibility of your own life.
As he returned home, i could feel the visible lightness, the life back in his eyes, and i sent up a prayer of gratitude to God, for sitting in my heart long enough, to give me the right words to help this hurting soul, who made a place in our home and hearts.
Just wanted to share this with you because i know only you would understand this sentiment, and appreciate the value of each one of us in each others lives. We all Miss you here, but can only imagine the joy of being with your Grandson, and such treasured moments shared with your kids.
Love and Blessings to all
